He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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