i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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