You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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