I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
