hotel room ftw
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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