When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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