Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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