1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
