I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
