It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
