I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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