So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
