none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
