Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
