i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
