hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
