I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
