Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
