it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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