I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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