I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
