Got a toothbrush?
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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