Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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