Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
