Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
