So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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