He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
