She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
