Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
