my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
