The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
