Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
