I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
