dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
