Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You have to summon your inner elephant
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
