vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
