i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
