so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
