And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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