This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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