haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
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I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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