Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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