Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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