I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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