That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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