who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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