God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
