In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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