nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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