so that wasnt chicken after all
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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