Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
