i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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