We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
