Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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