your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
