After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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