I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.