In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.