I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.