2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize